Splat! Air Force One flushes potty over Hillary campaign headquarters

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved. 

DEMOCRATS are fuming over what they’re calling the Bush administration’s “dirtiest trick yet” – flushing Air Force One’s potty over Sen. Hillary Clinton’s headquarters Washington, D.C.

The White House has yet to respond to the allegations. But Clinton staffers say the Boeing 747 “went out of its way to pinpoint” the plain brick building for what they called “a major dump” and it was, they say, “intentional.”

“There’s no mistaking the President’s plane, and when we saw it circling overhead, we began to think the worst, that maybe there had been another terrorist attack and it couldn’t land,” a source close to Sen. Clinton told me exclusively.

“Then all of a sudden – splat! It sounded like an elephant hitting the roof. Several interns who ran out to the street to watch the jet came back in soaked.

“And I’m not going to mince words here: They stunk.”

The Federal Aviation Administration will neither confirm nor deny that Air Force One was in the area at the time of the alleged “drop.”

But a source who has blabbed reliably in the past wouldn’t deny it, either, saying: “If someone says Air Force One was in the area, I’m not going to dispute it. But I can tell you that regardless of the craft’s location, the president wasn’t a passenger.

“He wasn’t flying.”

The source referred other questions to the White House, where, when asked by a reporter, press secretary Dana Perino snapped, “Ask the FAA.”

“Something’s rotten in Denmark – that’s for sure,” Sen. Clinton said.

What the hell’s happening at Area 51? Scientists want answers – fast

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

LIGHTNING storms of a ferocity seldom seen in the United States have lit up the sky over the mysterious Area 51 military facility on 31 occasions since April 21, leading worried experts to convene in emergency meetings on two continents to ask “what the hell is going on?“ at the super secret base.

Details are sketchy, but theories and allegations abound – including angry charges by German and Russian researchers that the United States is testing a new anti-terror weapon that harnesses and intensifies the power of nature, turning ordinary weather events like thundershowers and blustery winds into remote-controlled weapons of mass destruction that can be used against Axis of Evil-enemies like North Korea and Iran with the United Nations and other critics none the wiser.

And that’s just one of the hair-raising speculations being floated, discussed and argued in conferences on both sides of the Atlantic. According to a hair-raising report that appeared on the front page of Germany’s hard-hitting Der Stern magazine, it has been suggested that Area 51 researchers are:

O Experimenting with a time machine or trying to open a portal into a parallel universe or another dimension – either of which could have far-reaching consequences on the future of mankind.

O In the final testing stages of a long-sought “electricity bomb” first predicted by Einstein in 1954 as a dangerously powerful but “clean” alternative to nuclear warheads.

O Testing or charging the propulsion systems of captured extraterrestrial aircraft – UFOs – as unstoppable weapons in the war on terror.

O Attempting to revive as many as 500 extraterrestrials who were, it is alleged, “flash frozen” alive in Area 51’s sprawling cryogenics laboratory following their capture in the 1950s. Experts say massive electrical charges – such as those found in lightning – almost certainly would be required to revive them.

O Battling to regain control of dangerous and ill-advised magnetic-field and sound-wave experiments that went haywire – and could spread the fierce electrical storms that are now confined to Area 51 throughout the world.

“Those scenarios might very well pale before an even more chilling scenario that the United States arrogantly chooses to hide from the world,” Dr. Alexei Kosomov, the famed Russian physicist whose theories on the energy-producing potentials of magnetic fields are considered classics in the field, told me exclusively.

“The world is, in fact, at a crossroads. This is no time for ‘cowboy experiments’ or unilateral activity of any kind. The world must know what is going on at Area 51. And we call on the United Nations to bring pressure to bear on President George Bush to cease and desist – or explain.”

White House and Pentagon spokesmen declined to comment on the allegations or Kosomov‘s criticisms. One Pentagon source actually threatened to “cause major problems” for one of my interns who pressed her for details.

Tight-lips are nothing new regarding Area 51. The top-secret facility, also known as Groom Lake, is located about 90 miles north of Las Vegas.

The site was developed in the 1950s and, despite official denials, it unquestionably is a proving ground for cutting-edge aircraft such as the U-2 spy plane, SR-71-Blackbird and the F-117A stealth fighter, all of which, it is said, incorporate some degree of technology developed from the study of extraterrestrial aircraft hidden away in hangars at the base.

Aircraft aside, Area 51 also is associated with the development and testing of futuristic weaponry and so-called “space-time experiments” that would give our government and military the power to alter the future and the past, it is hoped, to our advantage in the present.

As the White House and Pentagon struggle to keep whatever is happening at Area 51 under an impenetrable shroud of secrecy, in Los Angeles, critics and concerned citizens are threatening to sue for “a full accounting of current activity” under guidelines set out under the Freedom of Information Act.

“I’m not even sure that God knows what’s happening out there,” Catherine Trefton, founder and president of Into the Light, a watchdog group that claims a membership of over 2,000 citizens and scientists who oppose secrecy in government, told me.

“But we better find out before something goes terribly wrong – and we all pay the price.”

16 things you ought to know about the United Nations

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved. 

HARDLY A day passes when the United Nations doesn’t make a decision that will affect you and your children for the rest of your lives.

But what do you really know about this oddball collection of weirdly dressed and often shifty foreigners – many of whom had never seen a fork, telephone, television or car until they arrived at U.N. headquarters in New York?

“How much do you know about the United Nations? Probably not much,” former CIA operative and U.N. expert Mark Brandler told me exclusively.

“When you get down to it, I don’t know how much the U.N. knows about the U.N.

“You can’t pluck men and women off islands and mountaintops and then throw them into a skyscraper in the middle of New York City and expect them to get any kind of handle on what they’re supposed to be doing and why they’re supposed to be doing it.

“That is especially true when you realize that, on average, representatives have just a fourth-grade education. Many have never set foot in a schoolroom, much less studied in one.

“And yet we expect them to make decisions about social, political, cultural and military issues that are so complex the world’s best minds can’t make heads or tails of them.

“Only the U.N. would ask a man who wages war with a blowgun to weigh in on issues like nuclear disarmament and chemical and biological warfare – issues that profoundly affect the national security of the United States.

“For that matter, how can you ask a man who’s accustomed to trading animal skins for sewing needles to figure out the best way to dole out hundreds of billions of dollars in foreign aid?

“It’s like asking a baby to rebuild the World Trade Centers with Play Doh and Lincoln Logs. It just ain’t gonna happen.

“But for some reason, we keep pretending that it is.”

Brandler, 72, of New York, points out that most people think of the United States, Russia, China, Japan, Israel, the United Kingdom, France, Germany and a few other European countries as being the ‘world’.

“But when the U.N. gets together, you have representatives from 185 countries – let me repeat that, 185,” continues the expert.

“Try to name just 50 and you’ll begin to see what a complicated mess the United Nations really is. Most of these people come from countries that are so backward and poor that only a handful of the richest citizens have ever used a telephone or seen a newspaper or a TV.

“The life expectancy in these countries hovers around the age of 40. Just stop and think about that for a moment. Here in the U.S., our life expectancy is 70-plus.

“But in Afghanistan, for example, and 80 or so other countries, you’re worn out, actually an old person ready for a senior citizen’s ‘discount card’, when you hit 39.

“It’s clear that a man or woman who expects to die at the age of 40 isn’t going to view life and the world like you and I do – not by a longshot.

“But that doesn’t keep the United Nations from empowering them to make decisions that affect us all, not just for now, but forever.”

Here, according to Brandler, are little known facts about the U.N.

“If you are shocked,” he added, “call or write your congressmen and tell them to stop the madness and get us out of the U.N. – before it’s too late.”

1. Over half of all representatives have visited a witch doctor for medical diagnosis and treatment in the past year.

   Of those, 26 reported “excellent results” after undergoing “psychic surgery”, the bogus, sleight-of-hand procedure that makes it look as if practitioners are extracting “deadly tumors” from patients without using a scalpel or leaving a wound of any kind.

2. Representatives worship an estimated 3,000 different gods and goddesses, animals, bugs, plants, rocks and heavenly bodies-including every planet, at least two satellites and the sun!

   This doesn’t count the U.N.’s Hindus, who worship everything that moves-and sits still. Scholars say there are over 1 million “gods” on the Hindu books at present, with more being added as true believers stumble on something new to worship almost every day.

3. U.N. security personnel seize an average of 72 weapons – including knives, machetes, ice picks, handguns, poison powders and liquids, voodoo dolls and razor-sharp karate “throwing stars” – from members each and every day the U.N. is in session.

   Over the years, although none have died, three representatives actually have been hit with poison darts while addressing the General Assembly.

4. Almost half of the 185 countries represented in the United Nations consider women to be second-class citizens with few if any rights beyond the right to bear and rear children and do what men tell them to do.
5. A staggering 82 percent of nationalities represented in the U.N. consider themselves and their people to be smarter, stronger, prettier and more capable than all other nationalities despite the passage of hundreds of resolutions declaring all men to have been created equally.
6. On at least 22 occasions since the U.N. was founded in 1945, representatives from one backward country or another have traded their homelands to craftier colleagues for such trinkets as a malfunctioning boom box, an electric blanket, costume jewelry, Monopoly money and a six-month supply of Cracker Jacks-less the prizes.

   In each instance, the trade was discovered and undone by majority vote of the General Assembly.

7. 7. Dozens of resolutions proposing animal and human sacrifices to end droughts, plagues and pestilence have been proposed and narrowly rejected on the floor of the General Assembly.
8. Slightly more than half of U.N. representatives believe that having their picture taken results in the loss of their souls.

   Needless to say, terror ensues anytime anyone pulls a camera out on the floor of the U.N. and that’s why the movement of news photographers is severely restricted.

9. Throughout the 1960s and 1970s a block of 26 Third World countries consistently sided with the United States against the Soviet Union until it finally occurred to them that they, themselves, were socialists-and should have been siding with the Russians.
10. At last count, 54 percent of representatives absolutely refused to believe that American astronauts have been to the moon.

    A slightly smaller percentage, 51 percent, think the world is flat and give no more credence to a newscast showing shuttle astronauts zipping through space than they give to a Disney cartoon.

11. When put to a vote-as it has been on 11 occasions-grasshoppers and termites consistently rank as the “official snack food” of the U.N.
12. The authors of children’s books are often enlisted to help write U.N. resolutions so that representatives will have a better chance of understanding them. It’s never been stated for the record, but beloved Dr. Seuss is believed to have ghostwritten no fewer than 600 resolutions before his tragic death earlier this decade.
13. Six representatives have shrunken a head in the past six months-eight others have tasted human flesh.
14. One third of representatives have two or more wives.
15. Surveys show that U.N. representatives are far more fascinated with fire than the general population. Cigarette lighters and kitchen matches are far and away the No. 1 gift representatives send back home.
16. The official languages of the United Nations are English and French, but drums – that’s right, drums – have been suggested as an “alternate mode of communication” on at least 26 occasions dating back to the 1960s.